They Talk About How Men Are Chasers,

Future Hipsters Will Love Me Ironically.

Catharsis Isn't Art. You Can't Rely On Catharsis To Get A Laugh. Because Guess What? People Do Laugh When Something's Shocking, But That Is, To Me, The Absolute Fakest Of Laughs. That's Not Something That Sustains A Television Series, Or A Movie, Or Even 45 Minutes Of A Stand-up Set At Carolines.

When I Was A Kid, My Parents Smartly Raised Us To Keep Quiet, Be Respectful To Older People, And Generally Not Question Adults All That Much. I Think That's Because They Were Assuming That 99 Percent Of The Time, We'd Be Interacting With Worthy, Smart Adults... They Didn't Ever Tell Me 'sometimes You Will Meet Idiots Who Are Technically Adults And Authority Figures. You Don't Have To Do What They Say.

I’m Not Complaining About Romance Being Dead - I’ve Just Described A Happy Marriage As Based On Talking About Plants And A Canceled Ray Romano Show And Drinking Milkshakes: Not Exactly Rose Petals And Gazing Into Each Other’s Eyes At The Top Of The Empire State Building Or Whatever. I’m Pretty Sure My Parents Have Gazed Into Each Other’s Eyes Maybe Once, And That Was So My Mom Could Put Eyedrops In My Dad’s Eyes.

My Dad Is A Very Snappy Dresser; He Gets All His Stuff Tailored. He's An Architect, So He's A Little More Artistically Minded.