There's Only One Difference Between Jews And

For Me, Comedy Is A Day-to-day Report On The Human Condition. It's What's Happening Right Now. I Get Maybe 20 Minutes Of My Act Straight From The Newspaper.

Guys Wake Up At Your Place And They Expect Breakfast. They Don't Eat Bagels And M&m's In The Morning. They Want Things Like Toast. I Say, 'i Don't Have These Recipes.'

There's Only One Difference Between Jews And Catholics. Jews Are Born With Guilt, And Catholics Have To Go To School To Learn It.

I Personally Cannot Tell You How Many Times We Rescuers Put Our Names On Animals To Come To Us As Soon As They Are Eligible For Release, Only To Find They Have Been Senselessly Killed By Overzealous Pound Workers.

You Know, If You Need 100 Rounds To Kill A Deer, Maybe Hunting Isn't Your Sport.