The Senate Decided They Will Be Smoke-free.

We Don't Do Sensible Things. This Is America.

New Rule: You're Never Going To Pick Up Women At A Coffee Shop Pretending To Be Working On Your Laptop. You Don't Look Like You're Sensitive, You Look Like You're Homeless.the Last Guy To Pick Up A Chick With An Apple Was Adam. And When You Sit Across From Another Dateless Loser With A Laptop, It Still Doesn't Look Like You're Working--it Looks Like You're Playing Battleship.

I'm Not Into Western Medicine. That To Me Is A Complete Scare Tactic.

Canadian Bacon Isn't Bacon. It's Ham.

I Love The Tea Party. They Are The Ultimate Beer Goggles. They Make Everything Look Better.