The Religion In Scotland Is One Of

Don't Buy One Of Those Baby Intercoms. Babies Pretend To Be Dead. They're Bastards, And They Do It On Purpose.

I Became A Welder. I Was Actually Becoming An Engineer And I Joined The Wrong Queue. And So I Became A Welder, Without Knowing What A Welder Was.

I Always Look Skint. When I Buy A Big Issue, People Take It Out Of My Hand And Give Me A Pound.

I'm A Huge Film Star... But You Have To Hurry To The Movies, Because I Usually Die In The First 15 F--ing Minutes. I'm The Only Guy I Know Who Died In A F--ing Muppet Movie.

There's No Such Thing As Bad Weather - Only The Wrong Clothes.