The Only Way I'd Need A Pain

I Loved The Old Stories In National Lampoon, Like The Original Story The Movie Vacation Was Based On. I Used To Laugh At Them Until I Cried.

I See My Face In The Mirror And Go, 'i'm A Halloween Costume? That's What They Think Of Me?'

I Was Raised By Just My Mom. See, My Father Died When I Was Eight Years Old. At Least, That's What He Told Us In The Letter.

The Hardest Diet I Was Ever On Was The One When I Was Fat. You Can Only Wear Fat Clothes, You Don't Feel Good, Your Sex Life Gets Damaged, You Don't Have Energy For Anything. It's Horrible.

Liquor Prohibition Led To The Rise Of Organized Crime In America, And Drug Prohibition Has Led To The Rise Of The Gang Problems We Have Now.