The Only People Who Like To Live

The Mistake That People Make In Stand-up Is Thinking They're Profound Or They're Deep When There Are So Many People Who Have More Worthwhile Ways Of Phrasing Things.

You Can't Make Money On Broadway. You Make Nothing. You Maybe Make Like $1,350 A Week After You Pay Out All The Producers.

My Name Has Zero Value.

The Ancient Greeks Were The First Ones To Say An Unexamined Life Is Not Worth Living. They Don't Tell You Of Course What We Found Out, An Examined Life Not That Fascinating Either.

I Always Wanted To Write As Much As Perform.