The Leading Cause Of Death Is Birth.

Among All The Emotions, The Rich Have The Least Talent For Love. It Is Possible To Love One's Dog, Dress Or Duck-shooting Hat, But A Human Being Presents A More Difficult Problem. The Rich Might Wish To Experience Feelings Of Affection, But It Is Almost Impossible To Chip Away The Enamel Of Their Narcissism. They Take Up All The Space In All The Mirrors In The House. Their Children, Who Represent The Most Present And Therefore The Most Annoying Claim On Their Attention, Usually Receive The Brunt Of Their Irritation.

To The United States The Third World Often Takes The Form Of A Black Woman Who Has Been Made Pregnant In A Moment Of Passion And Who Shows Up One Day In The Reception Room On The Forty-ninth Floor Threatening To Make A Scene. The Lawyers Pay The Woman Off; Sometimes Uniformed Guards Accompany Her To The Elevators.

Unlike Every Other Nation In The World, The United States Defines Itself As A Hypothesis And Constitutes Itself As An Argument.

Most Of The Ladies And Gentlemen Who Mourn The Passing Of The Nation's Leaders Wouldn't Know A Leader If They Saw One. If They Had The Bad Luck To Come Across A Leader, They Would Find Out That He Might Demand Something From Them, And This Impertinence Would Put An Abrupt And Indignant End To Their Wish For His Return.

We Might Make A Public Moan In The Newspapers About The Decay Of Conscience, But In Private Conversation, No Matter What Crimes A Man May Have Committed Or How Cynically He May Have Debased His Talent Or His Friends, Variations On The Answer Yes, But I Did It For The Money, Satisfy All But The Most Tiresome Objections.