The Important Thing Is To Be Drunk.

Why Would You Go Out And Not Drink? Just Stay Home And Sit There.

I Definitely Don't Want To Have Kids ... I Don't Think I'd Be A Great Mother. I'm A Great Aunt Or Friend Of A Mother ... I Don't Want To Spend That Kind Of Time. I Don't Want To Have A Kid And Have It Raised By A Nanny. I Don't Have Time To Raise A Child.

I'm Not Going To Blow Up Just For The Sake Of It, Because It's On Tv. That's Not The Issue.

Whoever Calls And Asks Me To Do Stuff And Obviously, With Having Your Own Tv Show, People Want You To Get Involved. They Know You're A Stand-up Comedian So They're Always Looking For Somebody Funny To Host An Event.

When I Don't Know What To Do, I Just Open My Mouth. Why Won't Anyone Date Me?