The Greatest Thing About Being A Comedian

People On Dates Shouldn't Even Be Allowed Out In Public.

See, The Thing Of It Is, There's A Lot Of Ugly People Out There Walking Around But They Don't Know They're Ugly Because Nobody Actually Tells Them.

Let's Face It: A Date Is A Job-interview, That Lasts All Night. The Only Difference Between A Date And A Job Interview Is: Not Many Job-interviews Is There A Chance You'll End Up Naked At The End Of It.

Can't You At Least Die With A Little Dignity?

See, You Know How To Take The Reservation, You Just Don't Know How To Hold The Reservation And That's Really The Most Important Part Of The Reservation, The Holding. Anybody Can Just Take Them.