The Earth Is A Used Kleenex On

The Only People Who Like To Live Alone More Than Comics Are Priests.

Everybody's Got A Different Sense Of Humor. It's Just Different Styles.

The Mistake That People Make In Stand-up Is Thinking They're Profound Or They're Deep When There Are So Many People Who Have More Worthwhile Ways Of Phrasing Things.

With Comedians, You Have That Understanding That We're Trying To Get Laughs.

It’s Sad. Marxism Didn’t Work. Communism Didn’t Work. Capitalism Doesn’t Work. Nothing Works. Even Democracy Doesn’t Work. Democracy-the Greatest Form Of Government And We Have Two Choices For Who’s Our Leader. In Fascism You Only Have One Choice. That’s Great. We Have One More Choice Than The Worst Form Of Government.