The Democrats Say That President Bush Doesn't

Arnold Schwarzenegger Announced That He Is Going To Run For Governor On Our Program Last Night. My Staff Didn't Know, Arnold's Staff Didn't Know, I Was Shocked As Everyone Else. If He Doesn't Get Elected Governor, Maybe He Should Work For The Cia. I Mean, He Can Keep A Secret Better Than They Can.

You Know What You Call The Two Winners Of That $580 Million Powerball Lottery? ... Former Democrats

Herman Cain Told A Group Of Occupy Wall Street Protesters To Go Home, Get A Job, And Get A Life. That's The Republican Version Of Hope And Change, Ladies And Gentlemen.

Scientists Say That Texas And Antarctica Were Connected At One Time. In Fact, Early Mexicans Used To Go Through Texas To Try To Sneak Into Antarctica.

Kerry Was Here In Los Angeles. He Was Courting The Spanish Vote By Speaking Spanish. And He Showed People He Could Be Boring In Two Languages.