The Customer’s Always Right.

When Someone Hands You A Flyer, It's Like They're Saying Here You Throw This Away.

I Make Myself A Bowl Of Instant Oatmeal, And Then I Don't Do Anything For An Hour. Why Do I Need The Instant Oatmeal? I Could Get The Regular Oatmeal And Feel Productive.

Once I Saw A Duck Walking Down The Street So I Went Into Subway And Ordered Two Pieces Of Bread, And They Informed Me That They Could Not Do That, Like There Was Some Speical Rule At Subway That Two Pieces Of Bread Weren't Allowed To Touch. So The Woman Asked Me What I Wanted On The Sandwich And I Said I Do Not Care, It Is For A Duck, And She Was Like Oh Then It's Free. I Was Not Aware That Ducks Eat For Free At Subway. It's Like Give Me A Chicken Fajita Sub, But Don't Worry About Ringing It Up, It Is For A Duck.

It's Very Dangerous To Wave To People You Don't Know Because What If They Don't Have Hands? They'll Think You're Cocky.

I Have Found When I Look At An Audience That The Expressions On The Peoples' Faces Aren't Always Up To Par With The Sounds That They're Making. A Crowd Can Sound Like They're Having A Good Time When Your Eyes Are Closed But If You Open Your Eyes, The Looks On Some Of Those Faces Don't Equal The Sound.