The Crime Problem In New York Is

For Some Reason, The Secret Service Revealed This, That Sarah Palin's Secret Service Code Name Is 'denali.' Turns Out 'denali' Is An Old Eskimo Name That Means 'dan Quayle.'

The Big Rumor Going Around Is, We May Begin Bombing Iraq. Or, As The White House Calls It, Operation Keep Enron Off The Front Page.

The Democrats Are All Over This. Democratic Strategists Feel John Kerry's War Record Means He Can Beat Bush. They Say When It Comes Down To It Voters Will Always Vote For A War Hero Over Someone Who Tried To Get Out Of The War. I'll Be Sure To Mention That To Bob Dole When I See Him.

While President Bush Was Out Of Town Hillary Clinton Stopped By The White House On Friday For An Important Meeting With Her Decorator.

More Bad News For The Taliban. Remember How They Are Promised 72 Virgins When They Die? Turns Out That It's Only One 72-year-old Virgin.