The Comedy Gods Are Smiling On Me

The Problem Is That The People With The Most Ridiculous Ideas Are Always The People Who Are Most Certain Of Them.

I'm More Likely To Not Invite Someone Back For Not Talking. If Someone Talks A Lot, I Can Usually Shut Them Up And Control Them. But With People Who Don't Talk, If They Don't Really Want To Talk, They Probably Shouldn't Be On This Show, And That's Fine. They're Talented People With Things To Say, But Sometimes People Say What They Have To Say Through Other Means Than Arguing.

Naturally The Smart Thing To Do To Solve Your Economic Woes Is To Demonize The Democrats. And Of Course, Sarah Palin Is More Than Happy To Oblige. She's Been Saying That Obama Hangs Out With Terrorists. And You Know, I Think The Evangelical Lady Who's In A Video Getting Blessed By A Witch Doctor, Who's Married To A Secessionist, And Can't Name A Newspaper -- She's Right, Obama Is Scary.

New Rule: You're Never Going To Pick Up Women At A Coffee Shop Pretending To Be Working On Your Laptop. You Don't Look Like You're Sensitive, You Look Like You're Homeless.the Last Guy To Pick Up A Chick With An Apple Was Adam. And When You Sit Across From Another Dateless Loser With A Laptop, It Still Doesn't Look Like You're Working--it Looks Like You're Playing Battleship.

I Think The Funniest Stuff Comes From The Heaviest Stuff.