The Big Rumor Going Around Is, We

Researchers In England Say Tall Men Are More Likely To Have More Children Than Short Men. Here In America We Call That The Nba Theory.

In People Magazine, Madonna Said Her Life Has Been Exhausting Since She Started Her World Tour. She Said There Isn't A Second Of Her Life That Isn't Taken Up Looking After Her Family Or Thinking Of Her Show - Her Day Is Filled With Problems Of Work And Family. Someone Should Tell Her, Everyone Else Calls That, Life.

Oscar Nominations Came Out Today. Up For Best Actor, Sean Penn For 'mystic River,' Jude Law For 'cold Mountain,' And Of Course, George W. Bush For 'iraqi Weapons Of Mass Destruction.'

Postal Inspectors Have Been Given Advanced Warning That Publishers Clearinghouse Is Sending Packets Of Laundry Detergent That Could Be Mistaken For Anthrax. Oh, Good Timing. What Genius Came Up With This Promotion? What's Next - A Ticking Alarm Clock? Let's Put That In A Box.

All I Ask Is That You Tip Your Waiters And Waitresses. We Have To Turn This Situation Around.