Teenage Boys Cannot Be Trusted. Their Intentions

Males Are The Most Incomprehensible Species.

The Best Is When We All Go At Once, Like An Army Of Interrelated Popcorn Zombies Who Laugh The Same Laughs And Gasp The Same Gasps And Aren’t So Germ-phobic With Each Other That We Won’t Share A Ginormous Coke With One Straw. Family Is Useful Like That.

I Thought About The Bigger Picture Of My Life, And About The People—and Particularly The Guys—i Would Encounter During My Lifetime. How Would I Ever Know When That Moment Was Right, When Expectation Met Anticipation And Formed … Connection?

Because I Withered Under The Glare Of An Actual Invitation, I Was A Firm Believer In Preventive Prevarication--in Other Words, Lying Early In Order To Free Myself Later On.

This Must Be Part Of Mother Nature's Master Plan—making These Boys So Irresistibly Cute, In Such A Naughty Way, That The Purity Of Their Intentions Becomes Irrelevant.