Take Not God's Name In Vain; Select

Pilgrim, N. A Traveler That Is Taken Seriously. A Pilgrim Father Was One Who [was] Not Permitted To Sing Psalms Through His Nose [in Europe], Followed It To Massachusetts, Where He Could Personate God According To The Dictates Of His Conscience.

Alligator: The Crocodile Of America, Superior In Every Detail To The Crocodile Of The Effete Monarchies Of The Old World.

Sauce, N. The One Infallible Sign Of Civilization And Enlightenment. A People With No Sauces Has One Thousand Vices; A People With One Sauce Has Only Nine Hundred And Ninety-nine. For Every Sauce Invented And Accepted A Vice Is Renounced And Forgiven.

Hatred, N. A Sentiment Appropriate To The Occasion Of Another's Superiority.

Pain, N. An Uncomfortable Frame Of Mind That May Have A Physical Basis In Something That Is Being Done To The Body, Or May Be Purely Mental, Caused By The Good Fortune Of Another.