Take Away The Big Bang And What

It's The Way Our Founding Fathers Would Have Wanted It, If They Had Founded Corporations Instead Of Just A Country.

Every Night On My Show, The Colbert Report, I Speak Straight From The Gut, Okay? I Give People The Truth, Unfiltered By Rational Argument. I Call It "the No Fact Zone.

You Don't Need The Right Facts If You Have The Right Inflection.

I'm Not Going To Name Any Names, But Let's Just Say, I Want To Do Jokes On Donald Trump So Badly, And I Have No Venue. So Right Now, I'm Just Dry Trumping.

Anyone Can Read The News To You. I Promise To Feel The News At You.