Success Is The Enemy Of Comedy.

Dogs Want To Be People. That's What Their Lives Are About. They Don't Like Being A Dog. They're With People All The Time, They Want To Graduate. My Dog Would Sit There All Day, He Would Watch Me Walk By, He Would Think To Himself, "i Could Do That! He's Not That Good.

You Don't Even Really Need A Place. But You Feel Like You're Doing Something. That Is What Coffee Is. And That Is One Of The Geniuses Of The New Coffee Culture.

There's Nothing More Fun Than Entertaining Kids.

The Toughest Nights When I Was A Young, Unknown Comedian Were Opening For These Real Old-time Italian Singers. I'm Like Grace Jones To Them. "this Guy Is Nuts-talking About Socks. Where's The Wife Jokes, Where's The Fat Jokes?"

If Airline Seat Cushions Are Such Great Flotation Devices, Why Don't You Ever See Anyone Take One To The Beach?