Success Is The Enemy Of Comedy.

After You Get A Job And Before You Have To Do It. Nothing Beats That.

A Really Hard Laugh Is Like Sex-one Of The Ultimate Diversions Of Existence.

I Wish I Was A Phone Machine. I Wish If I Saw Somebody On The Street I Didn't Want To Talk To I Could Just Go, "excuse Me, I'm Not Here Right Now, If You Just Leave A Message, I Can Walk Away."

Anyone Who Would Laugh At A Recital Is Probably Some Sort Of Lunatic Anyway. I Mean, Only A Sick, Twisted Mind Could Be That Rude And Ignorant.

Any Day You Had Gym Class Was A Weird School Day. It Started Off Normal. You Had English, Social Studies, Geometry, Then Suddenly Your In Lord Of The Flies For 40 Minutes. Your Hanging From A Rope, You Have Hardly Any Clothes On, Teachers Are Yelling At You, Kids Are Throwing Dodge Balls At You And Snapping Towels - You're Trying To Survive. And Then It's Science,language, And History. Now That Is A Weird Day.