Success Is The Enemy Of Comedy.

Pay Attention; Don't Let Life Go By You. Fall In Love With The Back Of Your Cereal Box.

You Know, Crankiness Is At The Essence Of All Comedy.

That's The True Spirit Of Christmas; People Being Helped By People Other Than Me.

Airline Hostesses Show You How To Use A Seatbelt In Case You Haven't Been In A Car Since 1965.

There Is No More Embarrassing Thing In My Life Than The Fact That I Have Actually Uttered The Phrase, 'i Would Like To Order The Ginsu Knife.'