Success Is The Enemy Of Comedy.

I Won't Do Something Unless I Can Get At Least Two Or Three Good Laughs Out Of It. If I Can't, It's Not Gonna Make The Team.

I Was In Front Of An Ambulance The Other Day, And I Noticed That The Word Ambulance Was Spelled In Reverse Print On The Hood Of The Ambulance. And I Thought, Well, Isn't That Clever. I Look In The Rear-view Mirror; I Can Read The Word Ambulance Behind Me. Of Course While You're Reading, You Don't See Where You're Going, You Crash. You Need An Ambulance. I Think They're Trying To Drum Up Some Business On The Way Back From Lunch.

I'll Tell You One Thing, Since I'm Married, Single People Look Absolutely Ridiculous To Me.

People Don't Just Bump Into Each Other And Have Sex. This Isn't Cinemax.

I Wonder Is Illiterate People Know The Full Meaning Of Alphabet Soup?