Sometimes, When You Want To Make A

You Can't Teach An Old Hater New Truths.

When Somebody Says I Wouldn't Change A Thing They're Thinking Of Something They Would Change.

I Once Overheard The Sweetest Old Woman Behind Me On A Train Tell Her Adorable Old Husband As He Scoffed Down A Ham Sandwich She Had Brought Along, "if You Ever Yell At Me To "stop Bringing A Ham Sandwich With Me Every Where We Go" Again? Next Time I'm Bringing A Gun. And I'm Blowing Your God Damn Head Off."

Pain Only Hurts When You Are Looking For A Reason To Quit. You Don't Feel A Thing When You Know You Can Still Win.

I Was Doing Comedy In Laundry Mats In 1992, Literally Where I Would Bring A Little Gorilla Amp And A Lapel Mike And Just Start Performing.