Sometimes I Regret Not Being Catholic. I

When I First Moved To L.a., I Thought About Turning Gay. Then I Realized None Of The Guys I Was Interested In Was Good Enough For Me.

You Always See Actors Complaining About Being Typecast And Ruining Their Career. Really, I Don't See The Point In Complaining. If The Only Role You Can Play Well Is A Black Dude, You're Never Going To Get Ahead In This Town, And You Should Just Accept It.

I Really Don't Know Why We Need A Whole Month Dedicated To Blacks. It's Not Like They're The Only Ones That Suffered. I Mean, What About Us Whites? We're The Ones That Have To Deal With These Monkeys Everyday, But You Don't See Us Demanding A Whole Month To Ourselves.

Dude, Writing, Acting And Directing Are Such Easy Jobs. But To Do Them All As Awesomely As Zach Braff Does, Well That... That's Something.

I'm A Big Proponent Of 'don't Ask, Don't Tell,' In Fact, I Enforce It Strictly On All Of My Dates. First, I Don't Ask Them For Sex, And Then I Warn Them Not To Tell Anyone After I'm Through.