Sometimes I Like To Go Outside Without

Wind Chimes Are Also Earthquake Chimes.

I Set A Personal Record On Christmas. I Got My Shopping Done Three Weeks Ahead Of Time. I Had All The Presents Back At My Apartment, I Was Halfway Through Wrapping Them, And I Realized, 'damn, I Used The Wrong Wrapping Paper.' The Paper I Used Said, 'happy Birthday.' I Didn't Want To Waste It, So I Just Wrote 'jesus' On It.

I've Heard Of Many Chocoholics, But I Ain't Never Seen No "chocohol". We Got An Epidemic, People: People Who Like Chocolate But Don't Understand Word Endings. They're Probably "over-workaholled".

Relationships, Like Eyebrows, Are Better When There Is Space Between Them.

I Wish I Lived Next To Carnegie Hall. Then, If Someone Asked Me How To Get To My House, I Would Just Say 'practice, Practice, Practice, And Then Take A Left.'