Someone, I Was Beginning To Suspect, Had

There Are Nice, Funny, Totally Good-looking Guys Out There. You Just Have To Know Where To Look…and Apparently, Where Not To Look.

Oh, Jason, I Couldn't Get My Locker Open...i Know, I Tried Twisting It Right, Then Left, But It Wouldn't Budge. I Guess I'm Just Not Strong Enough. Could You Help Me? Please? Oh, Great. Oh, Jason, You're So Strong... Seriously? That Was Me Now? On The Other Hand , A Guy Was Following Me.

And I'm Going To Tell The Truth: I Didn't Like That Sean Penn Movie Into The Wild So Much. Yes! I Know It Was Critically Acclaimed. I Know It Won All These Awards! It's Very Sad That A Boy Is Dead And All. But I Thought The Movie Enchanted, With The Singing Princess And The Chipmunk And The People Dancing In Central Park, Was Cuter. So There!

I'll Put A Bullet Through My Own Brain. Let Alone Wait For Stark To Do It. Your Sister Will Drive Me To It, Howard. No Offense.

I Don't Do Alcohol. Or Other People's Boyfriends. And Don't You Forget It.