Scientology Is Weird Because It's New.

I Was Going To Get An Abortion The Other Day. I Totally Wanted An Abortion. And It Turns Out I Was Just Thirsty.

Scientology Is Weird Because It's New.

If You Sell The Vatican And You Take That Money And You Use It To Feed Every Single Human Being On The Planet, You Will Get Cah-azy Pussy. All The Pussy. I Don't Mean Literally. That Might Not Be Your Cup Of Tea. I Don't Know What Your Version Of 'all The Pussy' Is. But You'll Get All The Pussy.

Drew Friedman Isn't Just A Brilliant Artist. He Takes You To A Place. He Takes You Back In Time. He Makes You Smell The Stale Cigarettes And Cold Brisket And You Say, Thank You For The Pleasure.

I Think Maybe I Became Funny Because As A Kid, I Was A Jew In A Town Of No Jews, And Being Funny Just Instinctively Came About As A Way To Put People At Ease Around Me.