Sarah Palin Should Not Be On Vacation.

I Don't Believe In A Lot Of Things From The Bronze Age, But An Eye For An Eye Does Make A Sort Of Symmetrical Sense To Me. I Really Believe That If Somebody Takes A Life, That [death Penalty] Is What They Should Get. I Also Think It's A Lot More Humane Than Keeping People In A Cage For The Rest Of Their Life.

A Cult Is A Cult, And That's What A Frat Is. A Place Where They Strip You Of Your Personality And Rebuild It In Their Image.

People Sometimes Say How Standup Is So Hard, And I Always Tell Them That It's Hard At The Beginning.

Meat Is Dirty. I Wouldn't Touch A Hot Dog Without A Condom On It

Rick Santorum Has Come Out Against Contraception And Against College. He Wants Us Literally To Be F**king Stupid.