Respectability, N. The Offspring Of A Liaison

Patriot, N. One To Whom The Interests Of A Part Seem Superior To Those Of The Whole. The Dupe Of Statesmen And The Tool Of Conquerors.

Adolescence: A Stage Between Infancy And Adultery.

Blank-verse, N. Unrhymed Iambic Pentameters - The Most Difficult Kind Of English Verse To Write Acceptably; A Kind, Therefore, Much Affected By Those Who Cannot Acceptably Write Any Kind.

Lap, N. One Of The Most Important Organs Of The Female System - An Admirable Provision Of Nature For The Repose Of Infancy, But Chiefly Useful In Rural Festivities To Support Plates Of Cold Chicken And Heads Of Adult Males.

Funeral: A Pageant Whereby We Attest Our Respect For The Dead By Enriching The Undertaker, And Strengthen Our Grief By An Expenditure That Deepens Our Groans And Doubles Our Tears.