President Bush, Have A Hot Dog With

You've Gotta Understand What Putin's Strategy Is. He Really Doesn't Like Democracy. He Thinks It's An Inconvenient, Messy Process. And He Doesn't Like Us, And He Wants To Destabilize Our Country; Sow Doubt About Our Democracy.

It's A Game. That's Why We Call It 'the News.' It's Just A Game.

I'm Not A Standup. I Didn't Start Off As A Writer, I Learned To Write Through Improvisation, And So That's The Part Of The Show That Can Most Surprise Me. The Written Part Of The Show, I Know I Can Get Wrong. You Can't Really Get The Interview "wrong."

Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk. By This Time Tomorrow, It'll Be Free Yogurt.

They Say The Only People Who Tell The Truth Are Drunkards And Children. Guess Which One I Am.