President Bush Has Unveiled His First Campaign

In A Groundbreaking Move, The Associated Press, The Largest News-gathering Organization In The World, Will No Longer Use The Term 'illegal Immigrant'. They Will Now Use The Phrase 'undocumented Democrat'.

One Of President Obama's Winning Points Last Night Was About How Sanctions Against Iran Are Crippling Their Economy. And Believe Me, If Anyone Knows How To Cripple An Economy, It's President Obama.

Jesse Jackson's In Trouble. They're Going After This Tax Thing. Jesse Said He Will Amend His Taxes To Show The Money That He Paid To His Mistress. See, He Has Just One Mistress. Jesse Uses The Standard Mistress Deduction. As Opposed To Clinton, Who Had To Itemize.

Yesterday All Five Living Presidents Gathered For The Opening Of The George W. Bush Presidential Library In Dallas. Well, Six Living Presidents If You Count Hillary In 2016.

A Number Of Plastic Surgeons Are Claiming That Looking At John Kerry Now, As Opposed To A Few Months Ago, They Believe He's Had Botox Shots. They Claim A Number Of His Worry Lines Have Vanished. They Haven't Vanished, Just Howard Dean Is Wearing Them Now.