Police In Texas Arrested A Man Who

During A Recent Press Conference, Former President Jimmy Carter Said He Could Never Run For President Today Because He Doesn't Have A Lot Of Money. Well, That And The Fact That He's The Famously Bad President Jimmy Carter.

The Fans Were So Psyched That Someone Was Doing A Movie About A Boston Fan That They Were Giving Their All.

People Ask Me, Jimmy, Howd You Get Here Tonight. Lets Just Say It Involved A Two-hour Make-out Session With Elaine Stritch. It Got Pretty Heavy Actually, I Almost Had To Host.

This Is Interesting. Researchers Have Found That People Who Drive Drunk Are More Dangerous On The Road Than Drivers Who Are High On Marijuana. Don't Get Too Excited. It's Mostly Because The Drivers Using Marijuana Are Just Sitting In The Taco Bell Drive-through.

It's Something I Worry About When I'm Working Out. I Don't Want To Get Too Fit. Because I Don't Want The New Davinci Of This Millennium To Say, "you. I Have Found My Muse. I Have To Sculpt You."