People Will Pay More To Be Entertained

Americans, Too Many Of Them, Take Themselves Too Seriously. You're Going To Get Rapped - By The Viewers, By The Sponsors And By The Network Brass - If You Joke About Doctors, Lawyers, Dentists, Scientists, Bus Drivers, I Don't Care Who. You Can't Make A Joke About Catholics, Negroes, Jews, Italians, Politicians, Dogs Or Cats. In Fact, Politicians, Dogs And Cats Are The Most Sacred Institutions In America.

I Loved The Towns I Grew Up In As A Boy, And After I Became A Celebrity, I Went Back Several Times. I Would Have Had The Time Of My Life Seeing The Old Places And The Old Faces Again, But The Attitude Of Those Same People Was, "i Guess You're So Big We Bore You Now."

Happiness Is Having A Rare Steak, A Bottle Of Whiskey, And A Dog To Eat The Rare Steak.

We're More Effective Than Birth Control Pills.

Egyptian President Sadat Had A Belly Dancer Entertain President Nixon At A State Dinner. Mr. Nixon Was Really Impressed. He Hadn't Seen Contortions Like That Since Rose Mary Woods.