Happiness Is Being Stuck In An Elevator

Happiness Is.....finding Two Olives In Your Martini When Youre Hungry.

People Are Brought Up To Think, "it's Nice To Be Modest. It's Nice To Hide Your Light Under A Bushel." Well, Bullshit! I've Never Bought That. In My Business, The Only Thing You've Really Got Is Your Talent; It's The Only Thing You Have To Sell.

Democracy Is Welcoming People From Other Lands, And Giving Them Something To Hold Onto. Usually A Mop Or A Leaf Blower.

Audiences Have Proved Time And Again That They Don't Want A Steady Diet Of Any Entertainer Airing His Social Views - Especially If He's A Comedian.

Married Men Live Longer Than Single Men. But Married Men Are A Lot More Willing To Die.