People Come Up To Me And Say,

Because We Allow Handguns. When You Know Someone In The Crowd Might Be Packing A Rod, It Can't Help But Rush Your Timing.

Ambiguity Is The Devil's Volleyball.

If You're Worth Over $50m You Should Have To Dress Like That Guy On The Monopoly Box. The Super-rich Shouldn't Get All The Benefits Of Looking Like A Regular Guy.

I Got A Job At An Amusement Park. I Like To Make The Rides More Terrifying By Throwing A Couple Of Screws Onto The Seats.

I've Been At Stand-up 26 Years Now: After A While, You Get As Jaded As The Proverbial Gynecologist Who No Longer Enjoys Drugging And Violating His Patients.