People Come Up To Me And Say,

Everyone, Everywhere, And All The Time, Used To Laugh At Me When I Was Growing Up. So, When I Was Around 18, I Thought, 'i'll Become A Comedian, And Then If Everyone Laughs At Me, I'll Be Famous.' So I Went On Stage One Night And, For The First Time In My Life, Everyone Stopped Laughing At Me.

I've Always Suffered From A Complete Inability To Sense Who's Important.

I Got A Job At An Amusement Park. I Like To Make The Rides More Terrifying By Throwing A Couple Of Screws Onto The Seats.

I Used To Be Scared Of Pretty Girls, Until One Confessed They're Just As Scared Of Me.

I Think The Whole Concept Of Monotheism Is A Gift From The Gods.