People Ask Me Why I'm So Hard

I Like To Laugh. It's Kind Of Escapism. I Like To Make People Laugh. And I Kind Of Like People Just To Have To Not Think About Anything

Another Thing I Take Issue With Are People Who Take Their Dogs On "play Dates," Or Even Worse, People Who Choose To Dress Their Dogs Up In Outfits Better Suited For Homosexuals Participating In A Gay Pride Parade. Dog Costumes Are Right Up There With Something Else I Find Particularly Offensive: Sweater Vests.

Paris Hilton Is Going On A Goodwill Mission To Rwanda. It’s The First Time An Entire Third World Country Will Have To Get Immunizations For A Visitor.

I Had To Sit Down And Explain To [her Friend] That Aa Was For Quitters

People Always Tell Me I Need To Have A Kid, And I Say, No, I Don't. Because I Wouldn't Have Just One Kid; I'd Have Six. I Need A Huge Family. So I Just Kind Of Fill My House With Tons Of Rejects And Misfits So It Feels Like I Have A Bunch Of Children.