Over In Afghanistan, Osama Stuck His Head

I Vote Democrat Because I Believe Liberal Judges Need To Rewrite The Constitution Every Few Days To Suit Fringe Kooks Who Would Never Get Their Agendas Past The Voters.

They Found A Scrapbook With Photos Of Osama Bin Laden From The '90s, And They're Studying Each And Every Photo Very, Very Closely. My Favorite Shot Of Osama Bin Laden Was Right Between The Eyes.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Is Now Governor Of California. He Is A Very Shrewd Man - He Already Has All Of His Sex Scandals Behind Him.

Tomorrow Is Our Final Show. That Is Unless It Rains, And Then There Will Be A Rain Delay. We'll Probably Make It Up In A Doubleheader Around Labor Day.

I Don't Mind Being Accused Of Being A Bad Comedian And I Don't Even Mind Being Accused Of Being A Bad Talk-show Host, But I Never Want To Be Accused Of Being An Arrogant, Pompous Showbiz Asshole.