Finally We Got Some Good News About

I Vote Democrat Because I Love The Fact That I Can Now Marry Whatever I Want. I've Decided To Marry My German Shepherd.

Happy Cinco De Mayo. In Honor Of Cinco De Mayo, Mayor Bill De Blasio Is Filling All New York City Potholes With Guacamole.

Fifteen Years Ago Tomorrow I Had Open Heart Surgery, A Quintuple Bypass Surgery. Thanks To All Of My Doctors. Because Of Them, In 15 Years Of Life I've Been Able To Experience, Well, Acid Reflux, Short-term Memory Loss, And Erectile Dysfunction. Thanks For All Your Work. It's Great To Be Alive.

President Obama Is In China. Also In China Is Evil Russian Dictator Vladimir Putin. They're Both In China At The Same Time. It's Like Running Into Your Ex-girlfriend On Vacation.

Howard Dean Was Endorsed By Former Vice President Al Gore And Now He Is Getting Advice From Al Gore. And I'm Thinking, Who Better To Give Advice Than The Guy Who Couldn't Even Get Elected With The Most Votes?