Other Than The Laws Of Physics, Rules

From 1934 To 1963, The Biggest Criminals In America Ended Up On Alcatraz. Nowadays They End Up On Wall Street.

If You're Frightened Of Leprechauns, The Best Thing To Do Is To Get Yourself A Little Leprechaun Outfit And See How Big They Are. And Then You'll Go, 'well I See. That's Like Bein' Frightened Of A Hampster.'

It Takes A Long Time To Become A Lawyer Because You Need Three Things - A Bachelor's Degree, A Law Degree, And A Desire To Worship Satan.

I'm A Terrible Interviewer. I'm Not A Journalist - Although I Have A Peabody Award - And I'm Not Really A Late-night Host. What I Am Is Honest.

I Just Do My Thing And Try Each Show To Be More Honest About Why I Am And Who I Am. It's Quite Tricky And Actually Nerve-racking To Do That. It's Kind Of A Happy Train Wreck.