Only Lie About The Future.

I'm An Entertainer, Not A Commentator. If You're A Comedian Your Job Is To Make People Laugh.

Democracy Means Free Television, Not Good Television, But Free.

I Loved The Towns I Grew Up In As A Boy, And After I Became A Celebrity, I Went Back Several Times. I Would Have Had The Time Of My Life Seeing The Old Places And The Old Faces Again, But The Attitude Of Those Same People Was, "i Guess You're So Big We Bore You Now."

Maybe We Should Hold The Next [olympic] Games In Afghanistan And Hope The Soviets Pull Out Of That One Too.

You Become Successful, The Way I See It, Only If You're Good Enough To Deliver What The Public Enjoys. If You're Not, You Won't Have Any Audience; So The Performer Really Has More To Do With His Success Than The Public Does.