One Meal A Day Is Enough For

If A Man Watches Three Football Games In A Row, He Should Be Declared Legally Dead.

When They Told Me I Needed A Mastectomy, I Thought Of The Thousands Of Luncheons And Dinners I Had Attended Where They Slapped A Name Tag On My Left Bosom. I Always Smiled And Said, 'now, What Shall We Name The Other One?' That Would No Longer Be A Problem.

Humorists Can Never Start To Take Themselves Seriously. It's Literary Suicide.

How Come Anything You Buy Will Go On Sale Next Week?

A Child Needs Your Love Most When He Deserves It Least