On Prohibiting Anybody From Learning Anything: Why,

America Is A Great Country, But You Can't Live In It For Nothing.

I Have Always Noticed That People Will Never Laugh At Anything That Is Not Based On Truth.

There Are Two Things I Don't Care How Smart You Are, You Will Never Understand. One Is An Alienist's Testimony, And The Other Is A Railroad Timetable.

When You Give A Lesson In Meanness To A Critter Or A Person, Don't Be Surprised If They Learn Their Lesson.

Never Blame A Legislative Body For Not Doing Something. When They Do Nothing, That Don't Hurt Anybody. When They Do Something Is When They Become Dangerous.