(on Fox News).... It's Like Watching A

I Used To Write Things For Friends. There Was This Girl I Had A Crush On, And She Had A Teacher She Didn't Like At School. I Had A Real Crush On Her, So Almost Every Day I Would Write Her A Little Short Story Where She Would Kill Him In A Different Way.

Brb, Ttyl Ok? Wow, I Saved A 'ton' Of Time With Those Acronyms.

I'm Disappointed That My Own Catholic Church Has Decided That Capital Punishment Is Wrong. Which Is Pretty Hypocritical If You Think About It, Because They Wouldn't Even Have A Religion If It Wasn't For Capital Punishment.

Life Is An Improvisation. You Have No Idea What's Going To Happen Next And You Are Mostly Just Making Things Up As You Go Along.

As Shakespeare Said, There's Nothin' Cooler Than Droppin' The 'g's Off Of Gerunds!