Of Course I'm Naughty. I've Always Had

I'm Worried About Looking Like A Bad Person When, In Fact, I Try To Be A Good Person. I Don't Like The Public Image That I've Been Dressed With And It Worries Me.

The Reason We All Need A Mutton Alert, Which Needs Constant Testing, Like Smoke Alarms, Is Because There Is Really No Such Thing As Age-appropriate Dressing Any Longer, As I Know Because My Wardrobe Is Interchangeable With My Daughter's.

Of Course I'm Naughty. I've Always Had To Compete For Attention, You See.

English People Are Famous For Never Speaking Out But Only Saying What They Really Feel About You Behind Your Back. Americans Believe The Shortest Distance Between Two Points Is A Straight Line. I Like Exploring Those, Er, Differences In National Snippiness.

Being Blonde, For Me, Means Never Having To Say: 'i'll Have The Honey-striped Half-head Of Highlights For £200,' To A Bored Colourist In A Mayfair Salon, Which Is Much More Satisfying, Not To Mention Cheap.