Not All Shabby Is Chic, Just Like

I Was Pretty Dorky, But There Are Tiers Of Dorkdom And I Always Had Friends, Though They Were Equally Dorky. I Was One Of Those Kids Who Contracted Cooties In The Second Grade And Then Had Cooties, Because There Wasn't A Vaccine For It. When I Was Around People, Though, I Generally Wanted To Make Them Laugh. I Told A Lot Of Stories.

Life Starts Out With Everyone Clapping When You Take A Poo And Goes Downhill From There.

I Can't See The Forest Through The Trees, Except The Trees Are People.

Ladies. Large Masses Of Girls Are Often Prone To This Salutation. I Hate Being Mollified With This Unsolicited "ladies" Business. I Know We're All Women. I Am Conscious Of My Breasts. Do I Have To Be Conscious Of Yours As Well? Do Men Do This? Do They Go, "men: Meet For Ribs In The Shed After The Game. Keg Beer, Raw Eggs, And Death Metal Only." I Would Imagine Not.

If I Go Into A Sandwich Shop Or Anywhere That Features 'today's Specials' On A Chalkboard More Than 10 Feet Away, I Have To Ask For A Printed Menu. I Smile At People I Don't Know On The Street And Ignore Those I Do. When At Home, I Often Find Myself Grabbing My 'back-up' Glasses To Search For The Better-loved Pair I Have Left On Top Of My Dresser.