Nobody Deserves This Much Money - Certainly

How Do You Know That God Didn't Speak To Charles Darwin?

I Was Born In An Elevator, And - As My Mother Said - Naturally It Was Going Down. She Said, "all I Remember Is Telling Your Father, 'that's It! Never Again!'" That's Why I'm An Only Child.

If You Think It's Hard To Meet New People, Try Picking Up The Wrong Golf Ball.

I Feel Sorry For People Who Don't Drink. When They Wake Up In The Morning, That's As Good As They're Going To Feel All Day.

My Career Has Been Full Of Remarkable Coincidences That Have Nothing To Do With Me.