No Other Formula Gives Your Baby A

Now Every Girl Is Expected To Have: Caucasian Blue Eyes, Full Spanish Lips, A Classic Button Nose, Hairless Asian Skin With A California Tan, A Jamaican Dance Hall Ass, Long Swedish Legs, Small Japanese Feet, The Abs Of A Lesbian Gym Owner, The Hips Of A Nine-year-old Boy, The Arms Of Michelle Obama, And Doll Tits. The Person Closest To Actually Achieving This Look Is Kim Kardashian, Who, As We Know, Was Made By Russian Scientists To Sabotage Our Athletes.

In Into The Woods, Cinderella Runs From Her Prince, Rapunzel Is Thrown From A Tower For Her Prince, And Sleeping Beauty Just Thought She Was Getting Coffee With Bill Cosby.

Gay People Don’t Actually Try To Convert People. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses You’re Thinking Of.

I'm More Of A Writer Than An Actor, And I Used To Say That I'm Mostly An Improviser, Though I Haven't Improvised In Awhile.

My Parents Raised Me That You Never Ask People About Their Reproductive Plans. “you Don’t Know Their Situation,” My Mom Would Say. I Considered It Such An Impolite Question That For Years I Didn’t Even Ask Myself. Thirty-five Turned Into Forty Faster Than Mcdonald’s Food Turns Into Cold Nonfood.