Never Perform For Your Family. They Either

The Games Haven't Even Started Yet And Already There Are People Complaining About The Horrible Accommodations At The Sochi Olympic Village. Toilets Don't Flush. The Faucets Spew Discolored Water. They Say It's Like Being On A Royal Caribbean Cruise.

John Kerry Suspended His Campaign For Five Days This Week In Honor Of President Reagan. And Right Now, He's Ahead In The Polls. How's That Make Him Feel? Disappears For A Week And He's Up In The Polls. What Else Can He Do Now But Go Into Hiding.

The White House Has Now Released Military Documents That They Say Prove George Bush Met His Requirements For The National Guard. Big Deal, We've Got Documents That Prove Al Gore Won The Election.

General Colin Powell Shocked A Lot Of People In Washington By Speaking Out Against President Bush's Policies, Saying That The World Is Beginning To Doubt The Moral Basis Of Our Fight Against Terrorism. That's What I Think He Said - It Was Hard To Hear Him Because He Was Being Hustled Out Of The Room To His Cell In Guantanamo Bay.

It Looks Like Rudy Giuliani Is Out Of The Race. Finally, A Republican With An Exit Strategy.