My Wife Is Such A Bad Cook,

I Knew A Girl So Ugly That She Was Known As A Two-bagger. That's When You Put A Bag Over Your Head In Case The Bag Over Her Head Breaks.

Once I Opened Up A Fortune Cookie And Inside Was The Guy's Cheque Next To Me I Said Hey Buddy I Got Your Cheque He Said Thanks.

What A Doctor I've Got - He's Really Mixed Up. Last Week, He Grabbed My Knee And Told Me To Cough. Then Hit Me In The Balls With A Hammer.

Last Time I Tried To Make Love To My Wife Nothing Happened, So I Said To Her, 'what's The Matter, You Can't Think Of Anybody Either?'

Time And Tide And Hookers Wait For No Man.