My Wife Is Such A Bad Cook,

When I Was Kidnapped As A Child My Parents Sent A Letter To The Hijackers Me Pay 5,000 Dollars Or Your Back

My Car Broke Down Just The Other Day, I Called Triple A, They Came And Towed Me Away!

Last Halloween A Kid Tried To Rip My Face Off. He Thought It Was A Mask. Now It's Different When I Open The Door The Kids Hand Me Candy.

My Childhood Was Bad. No Father. Mother Was Greedy And Brought Me Up Awful - Never Made Me Breakfast Once. I Don't Want To Get Started. One Story Is Worse Than Another.

With My Old Man I Got No Respect. When He Took Me Hunting He Gave Me A Three Minute Head Start. Then On The Way Home He Tied Me To The Fender And Put The Deer In The Car.