My Wife And I, We Met Making

My Doctor Said, 'if You Can Weigh What You Weighed In High School, You'll Essentially Be Healthy And Not Have Type 2 Diabetes.' Well, I'm Gonna Have Type 2 Diabetes, Because There Is No Way I Can Weigh As Much As I Did In High School.

College Isn't Necessary For Everybody And It's Only From What You Put Into It What You Go There For.

When I Was 21 Years Old, I Had A Job Playing Santa Claus In A Shopping Centre In Sacramento. I Was Rail Thin, So It's Not Like I Was A Traditional Santa Claus Even Then. I Had A Square Stomach; That Was The Shape Of The Sofa Cushion That I Had Stuffed Into My Pants.

I've Been Doing A Pale Imitation Of Bill Murray For Most Of My Career.

I Don't Ask For Much. I Don't Ask To Be Rich, And I Don't Ask To Be Famous, And I Don't Ask To Play Center Field For The New York Yankees. I Just Want To Get Married And Have A Wife, And A House, And I Want To Have A Kid, And I Want To Go See Him Be A Tooth In The School Play!