My Professional Dreams Were Coming True While

My Real First Job Was Delivering Newspapers With I Was 15. I Would Ride My Bike Around And Chuck Papers At People's Houses. The Thing That Sucked Is When I Would Go Collecting Everyone Acted Like They Were Not Home. Totally Sucked But Because I Could Control The Weather I Showered Trashcan Size Hail Down On Their Homes Until They Were Completely Decimated.

I'm Really Great In Other Peoples Relationships.

I Don't Write Any Of My Material Down. I Like To Improvise And Be Spontaneous.

I Can Always Get Better. A Lot Of My Ex-girlfriends Don't Think I'm Funny.

Text A Guy You Like Right Now, "i'm Thinking About You." If He Says, "mmm Are You In Bed?" Never Speak To Him Again He's A Lifelong Moron.