My Nickname For My Mom Was 'the

Every Time You Come In From Cheating On Someone, They'll Just Whip Out The Most Adorable Term Of Endearment. Like, They'll Wake Up, Bright And Early, Sleep In Their Eyes And Say: "hey, Perfect."

I Was Very Good At Kickball ... I Was Wonderful At Ah Doing That Kick And Your Leg Goes Up And Your Shoe Went On Top Of The School

I Once Overheard The Sweetest Old Woman Behind Me On A Train Tell Her Adorable Old Husband As He Scoffed Down A Ham Sandwich She Had Brought Along, "if You Ever Yell At Me To "stop Bringing A Ham Sandwich With Me Every Where We Go" Again? Next Time I'm Bringing A Gun. And I'm Blowing Your God Damn Head Off."

Three Weeks Ago One Of My Dreams Came True. I Finally Got To See Something I Always Wanted To Witness Live. I Finally Saw Someone Get Hit By A Car... Nailed!

Saw A Lost Dog Sign With A Pic Of The Dog And A Little Boy Hugging It. I'm Assuming The Kids Safe And We're Just Focusing On The Pooch.