My Character, Rick Spleen, Is A What-if

I Had A Longing For Ritual, Something I Could Cling To, A Routine To Make Me Feel Well And Contented. I Hoped That Reading Bible Commentaries And Theological Critiques Would Nudge Me Closer To Some Kind Of Absolute That I Could Hold Up As A Torch To Light My Way.

If I've Inadvertently Become Some Sort Of Role Model For Failed Comedians, Then It's Really Backfired Very Badly On Me.

In My Local Newspaper, They Had This Advert: 'please Look After Your Neighbours In The Cold Weather'. I Live Next Door To This 84-year-old Woman, And Do You Know, Not Once Has She Come Round To See If I'm All Right. The Lazy Cow Hasn't Even Taken Her Milk In For A Fortnight.

Mmmm... The Comedy That Matters Is The Comedy You Pull Out Of Thin Air. It's A Bit Like When Something Funny Has Happened And You Try To Explain It To Someone Else And End Up Saying, 'you Had To Be There'.

They Call It 'surfing' The Net. It's Not Surfing. It's Typing In Your Bedroom